The Abbess Cured [21]
By Philippe De Laon.
_Of an abbess who was ill for want of--you know what--but would not have
it done, fearing to be reproached by her nuns, but they all agreed to do
the same and most willingly did so._
In Normandy there is a fair nunnery, the Abbess of which was young,
fair, and well-made. It chanced that she fell ill. The good sisters who
were charitable and devout, hastened
her, and do all that lay in their power. And when they found she was
getting no better, they commanded one of the sisters to go to Rouen, and
take her water to a renowned doctor of that place.
So the next day one of the nuns started on this errand, and when she
arrived there she showed the water to the physician, and described at
great length the illness of the Lady Abbess, how she slept, ate, drank,
etc.
The learned doctor understood the case, both from his examination of
the water, and the information given by the nun, and then he gave his
prescription.
Now I know that it is the custom in many cases to give a prescription in
writing, nevertheless this time he gave it by word of mouth, and said to
the nun;
"Fair sister, for the abbess to recover her health there is but one
remedy, and that is that she must have company with a man; otherwise in
a short time she will grew so bad that death will be the only remedy."
Our nun was much astonished to hear such sad news, and said,
"Alas! Master John! is there no other method by which our abbess can
recover her health?"
"Certainly not," he replied; "there is no other, and moreover, you must
make haste to do as I have bid you, for if the disease is not stopped
and takes its course, there is no man living who could cure it."
The good nun, though much disconcerted, made haste to announce the news
to the Abbess, and by the aid of her stout cob, and the great desire she
had to be at home, made such speed that the abbess was astonished to see
her returned.
"What says the doctor, my dear?" cried the abbess. "Is there any fear of
death?"
"You will be soon in good health if God so wills, madam," said the
messenger. "Be of good cheer, and take heart."
"What! has not the doctor ordered me any medicine?" said the Abbess.
"Yes," was the reply, and then the nun related how the doctor had looked
at her water, and asked her age, and how she ate and slept, etc. "And
then in conclusion he ordered that you must have, somehow or other,
carnal connection with some man, or otherwise you will shortly be dead,
for there is no other remedy for your complaint."
"Connection with a man!" cried the lady. "I would rather die a thousand
times if it were possible." And then she went on, "Since it is thus, and
my illness is incurable and deadly unless I take such a remedy, let
God be praised! I will die willingly. Call together quickly all the
convent!"
The bell was rung, and all the nuns flocked round the Abbess, and, when
they were all in the chamber, the Abbess, who still had the use of her
tongue, however ill she was, began a long speech concerning the state of
the church, and in what condition she had found it and how she left it,
and then went on to speak of her illness, which was mortal and incurable
as she well knew and felt, and as such and such a physician had also
declared.
"And so, my dear sisters, I recommend to you our church, and that you
pray for my poor soul."
At these words, tears in great abundance welled from all eyes, and the
heart's fountain of the convent was moved. This weeping lasted long, and
none of the company spoke.
After some time, the Prioress, who was wise and good, spoke for all the
convent, and said;
"Madam, your illness--what it is, God, from whom nothing is hidden,
alone knows--vexes us greatly, and there is not one of us who would not
do all in her power to aid your recovery. We therefore pray you to spare
nothing, not even the goods of the Church, for it would be better for us
to lose the greater part of our temporal goods than be deprived of the
spiritual profit which your presence gives us."
"My good sister," said the Abbess, "I have not deserved your kind offer,
but I thank you as much as I can, and again advise and beg of you to
take care of the Church--as I have already said--for it is a matter
which concerns me closely, God knows; and pray also for my poor soul,
which hath great need of your prayers."
"Alas, madam," said the Prioress, "is it not possible that by great
care, or the diligent attention of some physician, that you might be
restored to health?"
"No, no, my good sister," replied the Abbess. "You must number me among
the dead--for I am hardly alive now, though I can still talk to you."
Then stepped forth the nun who had carried the water to Rouen, and said;
"Madam, there is a remedy if you would but try it." "I do not choose
to," replied the Abbess. "Here is sister Joan, who has returned from
Rouen, and has shown my water, and related my symptoms, to such and such
a physician, who has declared that I shall die unless I suffer some man
to approach me and have connection with me. By this means he hopes, and
his books informed him, that I should escape death; but if I did not do
as he bade me, there was no help for me. But as for me, I thank God that
He has deigned to call me, though I have sinned much. I yield myself to
His will, and my body is prepared for death, let it come when it may."
"What, madam!" said the infirmary nun, "would you murder yourself? It
is in your power to save yourself, and you have but to put forth your
hand and ask for aid, and you will find it ready! That is not right; and
I even venture to tell you that you are imperilling your soul if you die
in that condition."
"My dear sister," said the Abbess, "how many times have I told you that
it is better for a person to die than commit a deadly sin. You know that
I cannot avoid death except by committing a deadly sin. Also I feel sure
that even by prolonging my life by this means, I should be dishonoured
for ever, and a reproach to all. Folks would say of me, 'There is the
lady who ----'.
"All of you,--however you may advise me--would cease to reverence and
love me, for I should seem--and with good cause--unworthy to preside
over and govern you."
"You must neither say nor think that," said the Treasurer. "There is
nothing that we should not attempt to avoid death. Does not our good
father, St. Augustine, say that it is not permissible to anyone to take
his own life, nor to cut off one of his limbs? And are you not acting in
direct opposition to his teaching, if you allow yourself to die when you
could easily prevent it?"
"She says well!" cried all the sisters in chorus. "Madam, for God's sake
obey the physician, and be not so obstinate in your own opinion as to
lose both your body and soul, and leave desolate, and deprived of your
care, the convent where you are so much loved."
"My dear sisters," replied the Abbess, "I much prefer to bow my head to
death than to live dishonoured. And would you not all say--'There is the
woman who did so and so'."
"Do not worry yourself with what people would say: you would never be
reproached by good and respectable people."
"Yes, I should be," replied the Abbess.
The nuns were greatly moved, and retired and held a meeting, and passed
a resolution, which the Prioress was charged to deliver to the Abbess,
which she did in the following words.
"Madam, the nuns are greatly grieved,--for never was any convent more
troubled than this is, and you are the cause. We believe that you are
ill-advised in allowing yourself to die when we are sure you could
avoid it. And, in order that you should comprehend our loyal and
single-hearted love for you, we have decided and concluded in a general
assembly, to save you and ourselves, and if you have connection secretly
with some respectable man, we will do the same, in order that you may
not think or imagine that in time to come you can be reproached by any
of us. Is it not so, my sisters?"
"Yes," they all shouted most willingly.
The Abbess heard the speech, and was much moved by the testimony of the
love the sisters bore her, and consented, though with much regret, that
the doctor's advice should be carried out. Monks, priests, and clerks
were sent for, and they found plenty of work to do, and they worked
so well that the Abbess was soon cured, at which the nuns were right
joyous.
*****
More
-
A Cure For The Plague
By Monseigneur De Villiers. _Of a girl who was ill of the plague and caused the death of three men who lay with her, and how the fourth was saved, and she also._ In the year of the pardons of Rome (*) just past, the plague was so great and te... A Good Dog
_Of a foolish and rich village cure who buried his dog in the church-yard; for which cause he was summoned before his Bishop, and how he gave 60 gold crowns to the Bishop, and what the Bishop said to him--which you will find related here._ List... A Good Remedy
By Monseigneur De Beaumont. _Of a good merchant of Brabant whose wife was very ill, and he supposing that she was about to die, after many remonstrances and exhortations for the salvation of her soul, asked her pardon, and she pardoned him all hi... A Great Chemical Discovery
Walking along the Strand one evening last year towards Pall Mall, I was accosted near Charing Cross Station by a strange-looking, middle-aged man in a poor suit of clothes, who surprised and startled me by asking if I could tell him from what inn ... A Husband In Hiding
By Alardin. _Of a poor, simple peasant married to a nice, pleasant woman, who did much as she liked, and who in order that she might be alone with her lover, shut up her husband in the pigeon-house in the manner you will hear._ In a pretty, ... A Rod For Another's Back
By The Seneschal Of Guyenne. _Of a citizen of Tours who bought a lamprey which he sent to his wife to cook in order that he might give a feast to the priest, and the said wife sent it to a Cordelier, who was her lover, and how she made a woman wh... A Sacrifice To The Devil
By Monseigneur _Of a jealous rogue, who after many offerings made to divers saints to cure him of his jealousy, offered a candle to the devil who is usually painted under the feet of St. Michael; and of the dream that he had and what happened to ... An Episode In High Life
Sir Henry Vardon, K.C.B., electrician to the Admiralty, whose title, as everybody knows, was gazetted some six weeks since, is at this moment the youngest living member of the British knighthood. He is now only just thirty, and he has obtained his... At Work
By Monseigneur De La Roche. _Of a squire who saw his mistress, whom he greatly loved, between two other gentlemern, and did not notice that she had hold of both of them till another knight informed him of the matter as you will hear._ A kind ... Between Two Stools
By Monseigneur De Waurin. _Of a noble knight who was in love with a beautiful young married lady, and thought himself in her good graces, and also in those of another lady, her neighbour; but lost both as is afterwards recorded._ As all the s... Beyond The Mark
By Monseigneur De Lannoy. _Of a shepherd who made an agreement with a shepherdess that he should mount upon her "in order that he might see farther," but was not to penetrate beyond a mark which she herself made with her hand upon the instrument ... Bids And Biddings
By Monseigneur De Launoy. _Of a number of boon companions making good cheer and drinking at a tavern, and how one of them had a quarrel with his wife when he returned home, as you will hear._ A number of good fellows had once assembled to mak... Both Well Served
By Monseigneur De Saint Pol. _Of a knight who, whilst he was waiting for his mistress amused himself three times with her maid, who had been sent to keep him company that he might not be dull; and afterwards amused himself three times with the la... Carvalho
I. The first time I ever met Ernest Carvalho was just before the regimental dance at Newcastle. I had ridden up the Port Royal mountains that same morning from our decaying sugar estate in the Liguanca plain, and I was to stop in cantonments wi... Caught In The Act
By Philippe De Laon. _Of the chaplain to a knight of Burgundy who was enamoured of the wench of the said knight, and of the adventure which happened on account of his amour, as you will hear below._ I have often heard related, by people worth... Cuckolded
By Poncelet. _Of a merchant who locked up in a bin his wife's lover, and she secretly put an ass there which caused her husband to be covered with confusion._ It happened once that in a large town of Hainault there lived a good merchant marri... Difficult To Please
(*) There is no author's name to this story in any of the editions. _Of a cure who wore a short gown, like a gallant about to be married, for which cause he was summoned before the Ordinary, and of the sentence which was passed, and the... Dr Greatrex's Engagement
Everybody knows by name at least the celebrated Dr. Greatrex, the discoverer of that abstruse molecular theory of the interrelations of forces and energies. He is a comparatively young man still, as times go, for a person of such scientific distin... Foolish Fear
By Monseigneur Philippe Vignier. _Of a young man of Rouen, married to a fair, young girl of the age of fifteen or thereabouts; and how the mother of the girl wished to have the marriage annulled by the Judge of Rouen, and of the sentence which th... Forced Willingly
By Philippe De Saint-Yon. _Of a girl who complained of being forced by a young man, whereas she herself had helped him to find that which he sought;--and of the judgment which was given thereon._ The incident on which I found my story happene... From Belly To Back
By Monseigneur De La Roche. _Of a gentleman of Burgundy who paid a chambermaid ten crowns to sleep with her, but before he left her room, had his ten crowns back, and made her carry him on her shoulders through the host's chamber. And in passing ... Good Measure! [80]
By Michault De Changy. _Of a young German girl, aged fifteen or sixteen or thereabouts who was married to a gentle gallant, and who complained that her husband had too small an organ for her liking, because she had seen a young ass of only six mo... Half-booted
By Monseigneur De Fiennes. _Of a Count who would ravish by force a fair, young girl who was one of his subjects, and how she escaped from him by means of his leggings, and how he overlooked her conduct and helped her to a husband, as is hereafter... How A Good Wife Went On A Pilgrimage
By Messire Timoleon Vignier. _Of a good wife who pretended to her husband that she was going on a pilgrimage, in order to find opportunity to be with her lover the parish-clerk--with whom her husband found her; and of what he said and did when he... How The Nun Paid For The Pears
By Monseigneur De Thianges (*). _Of a Jacobin and a nun, who went secretly to an orchard to enjoy pleasant pastime under a pear-tree; in which tree was hidden one who knew of the assignation, and who spoiled their sport for that time, as you will... Indiscretion Reproved, But Not Punished
By The Provost Of Wastennes. _Of a woman who heard her husband say that an innkeeper at Mont St. Michel was excellent at copulating, so went there, hoping to try for herself, but her husband took means to prevent it, at which she was much displea... Love In Arms
By Monseigneur De La Roche. _Of a knight who made his wife wear a hauberk whenever he would do you know what; and of a clerk who taught her another method which she almost told her husband, but turned it off suddenly._ A noble knight of Hayna... Montbleru; Or The Thief
By G. De Montbleru. _Of one named Montbleru, who at a fair at Antwerp stole from his companions their shirts and handkerchiefs, which they had given to the servant-maid of their hostess to be washed; and how afterwards they pardoned the thief, an... Mr Chung
The first time I ever met poor Chung was at one of Mrs. Bouverie Barton's Thursday evening receptions in Eaton Place. Of course you know Mrs. Bouverie Barton, the cleverest literary hostess at this moment living in London. Herself a well-known nov... My New Years Eve Among The Mummies
I have been a wanderer and a vagabond on the face of the earth for a good many years now, and I have certainly had some odd adventures in my time; but I can assure you, I never spent twenty-four queerer hours than those which I passed some twelve ... Nailed! [85]
By Monseigneur De Santilly. _Of a goldsmith, married to a fair, kind, and gracious lady, and very amorous withal of a cure, her neighbour, with whom her husband found her in bed, they being betrayed by one of the goldsmith's servants, who was jea... Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention
By Monseigneur De Commensuram. _Of a gentleman of Picardy who was enamoured of the wife of a knight his neighbour; and how he obtained the lady's favours and was nearly caught with her, and with great difficulty made his escape, as you will hear ... On The Blind Side
By Monseigneur Le Duc. _Of a knight of Picardy who went to Prussia, and, meanwhile his lady took a lover, and was in bed with him when her husband returned; and how by a cunning trick she got her lover out of the room without the knight being awa... Our Scientific Observations On A Ghost
"Then nothing would convince you of the existence of ghosts, Harry," I said, "except seeing one." "Not even seeing one, my dear Jim," said Harry. "Nothing on earth would make me believe in them, unless I were turned into a ghost myself." So s... Ram Das Of Cawnpore
We Germans do not spare trouble where literary or scientific work is on hand: and so when I was appointed by the University of Breslau to the travelling scholarship in the Neo-Sanskritic languages, I made up my mind at once to spend the next five ... Scorn For Scorn
By Monseigneur. _Of two comrades who wished to make their mistresses better inclined towards them, and so indulged in debauchery, and said, that as after that their mistresses still scorned them, that they too must have played at the same game--a... The Abbess Cured [21]
By Philippe De Laon. _Of an abbess who was ill for want of--you know what--but would not have it done, fearing to be reproached by her nuns, but they all agreed to do the same and most willingly did so._ In Normandy there is a fair nunnery, t... The Armed Cuckold
By Monseigneur _The fourth tale is of a Scotch archer who was in love with a fair and gentle dame, the wife of a mercer, who, by her husband's orders appointed a day for the said Scot to visit her, who came and treated her as he wished, the said ... The Backslider
There was much stir and commotion on the night of Thursday, January the 14th, 1874, in the Gideonite Apostolic Church, number 47, Walworth Lane, Peckham, S.E. Anybody could see at a glance that some important business was under consideration; for ... The Bagpipe
By Monseigneur De Thalemas. _Of a hare-brained half-mad fellow who ran a great risk of being put to death by being hanged on a gibbet in order to injure and annoy the Bailly, justices, and other notables of the city of Troyes in Champagne by whom... The Bird In The Cage
By Jehan Lambin. _Of a cure who was in love with the wife of one of his parishioners, with whom the said cure was found by the husband of the woman, the neighbours having given him warning--and how the cure escaped, as you will hear._ In the... The Butcher's Wife Who Played The Ghost In The Chimney
By Michault De Changy. _Of a Jacobin who left his mistress, a butcher's wife, for another woman who was younger and prettier, and how the said butcher's wife tried to enter his house by the chimney._ It happened formerly at Lille, that a famo... The Calf
By Monseigneur de la Roche _Of a Dutchman, who at all hours of the day and night ceased not to dally with his wife in love sports; and how it chanced that he laid her down, as they went through a wood, under a great tree in which was a labourer w... The Castrated Clerk
By Monseigneur L'amant De Brucelles. _How a lawyer's clerk in England deceived his master making him believe that he had no testicles, by which reason he had charge over his mistress both in the country and in the town, and enjoyed his pleasure._ ... The Chaste Lover
By Philippe De Laon. _Of a rich merchant of the city of Genoa, who married a fair damsel, who owing to the absence of her husband, sent for a wise clerk--a young, fit, and proper man--to help her to that of which she had need; and of the fast tha... The Chaste Mouth
By Monseigneur De La Roche. _Of a woman who would not suffer herself to be kissed, though she willingly gave up all the rest of her body except the mouth, to her lover--and the reason that she gave for this._ A noble youth fell in love with a... The Child Of The Phalanstery
"Poor little thing," said my strong-minded friend compassionately. "Just look at her! Clubfooted. What a misery to herself and others! In a well-organized state of society, you know, such poor wee cripples as that would be quietly put out of their... The Child Of The Snow
By Philippe Vignier. _Of an English merchant whose wife had a child in his absence, and told him that it was his; and how he cleverly got rid of the child--for his wife having asserted that it was born of the snow, he declared it had been melted ... The Child With Two Fathers
By Caron. _Of a gentleman who seduced a young girl, and then went away and joined the army. And before his return she made the acquaintance of another, and pretended her child was by him. When the gentleman returned from the war he claimed the ch... The Clever Nun
By Monseigneur De La Roche _Of a nun whom a monk wished to deceive, and how he offered to shoo her his weapon that she might feel it, but brought with him a companion whom he put forward in his place, and of the answer she gave him._ In the fai... The Considerate Cuckold
By Monseigneur Le Duc. _Of a knight of Picardy, who lodged at an inn in the town of St. Omer, and fell in love with the hostess, with whom he was amusing himself--you know how--when her husband discovered them; and how he behaved--as you will sho... The Cow And The Calf
By Monseigneur _Of a gentleman to whom--the first night that he was married, and after he had but tried one stroke--his wife brought forth a child, and of the manner in which he took it,--and of the speech that he made to his companions when they... The Curate Of Churnside
Walter Dene, deacon, in his faultless Oxford clerical coat and broad felt hat, strolled along slowly, sunning himself as he went, after his wont, down the pretty central lane of West Churnside. It was just the idyllic village best suited to the ta... The Damsel Knight
By Monseigneur De Foquessoles. _Of the loves of a young gentleman and a damsel, who tested the loyalty of the gentleman in a marvellous and courteous manner, and slept three nights with him without his knowing that it was not a man,--as you will ... The Devil's Horn
By Monseigneur. _Of a noble knight of Germany, a great traveller in his time; who after he had made a certain voyage, took a vow to never make the sign of the Cross, owing to the firm faith and belief that he had in the holy sacrament of baptism-... The Devil's Share
By The Marquis De Rothelin. _Of one of his marshals who married the sweetest and most lovable woman there was in all Germany. Whether what I tell you is true--for I do not swear to it that I may not be considered a liar--you will see more plainly... The Drunkard In Paradise
By Monseigneur de Lannoy _The sixth story is of a drunkard, who would confess to the Prior of the Augustines at the Hague, and after his confession said that he was then in a holy state and would die; and believed that his head was cut off and th... The Duel With The Buckle-strap
By Philippe De Laon. _The fifth story relates two judgments of Lord Talbot. How a Frenchman was taken prisoner (though provided with a safe-conduct) by an Englishman, who said that buckle-straps were implements of war, and who was made to arm him... The Eel Pasties
By Monseigneur de la Roche _Of a knight of England, who, after he was married, wished his mignon to procure him some pretty girls, as he did before; which the mignon would not do, saying that one wife sufficed; but the said knight brought him bac... The Empress Of Andorra
All the troubles in Andorra arose from the fact that the town clerk had views of his own respecting the Holy Roman Empire. Of course everybody knows that for many centuries the Republic of Andorra, situated in an isolated valley among the Pyrene... The Exchange
By Monseigneur De Villiers. _Of a knight whose mistress married whilst he was on his travels, and on his return, by chance he came to her house, and she, in order that she might sleep with him, caused a young damsel, her chamber-maid, to go to be... The Fault Of The Almanac
By Poncelet. _Of a cure who forgot, either by negligence or ignorance, to inform his parishioners that Lent had come until Palm Sunday arrived, as you will hear--and of the manner in which he excused himself to his parishioners._ In a certai... The Foundering Of The Fortuna
I. I am going to spin you the yarn of the foundering of the Fortuna exactly as an old lake captain on a Huron steamer once span it for me by Great Manitoulin Island. It is a strange and a weird story; and if I can't give you the dialect in whic... The Gluttonous Monk
By Monseigneur De Vaurin. _Of a Carmelite monk who came to preach at a village and after his sermon, he went to dine with a lady, and how he stuffed out his gown, as you will hear._ It is the custom of all countries for religious mendicants--... The Husband As Doctor
By Philippe De Laon. _Of a young squire of Champagne who, when he married, had never mounted a Christian creature,--much to his wife's regret. And of the method her mother found to instruct him, and how the said squire suddenly wept at a great fe... The Husband In The Clothes-chest
By Monseigneur De Beauvoir. _Of a great lord of this kingdom and a married lady, who in order that she might be with her lover caused her husband to be shut in a clothes-chest by her waiting women, and kept him there all the night, whilst she pas... The Husband Pandar To His Own Wife
By Monseigneur _Of a knight of Burgundy, who was marvellously amorous of one of his wife's waiting women, and thinking to sleep with her, slept with his wife who was in the bed of the said tire-woman. And how he caused, by his order, another knig... The Husband Turned Confessor
By Jehan Martin. _Of a married gentleman who made many long voyages, during which time his good and virtuous wife made the acquaintance of three good fellows, as you will hear; and how she confessed her amours to her husband when he returned from... The Incapable Lover
By Messire Miohaut De Changy. _Of the meeting assigned to a great Prince of this kingdom by a damsel who was chamber-woman to the Queen; of the little feats of arms of the said Prince and of the neat replies made by the said damsel to the Queen c... The Jade Despoiled
By Messire Chrestien De Dygoigne. _Of a married man who found his wife with another man, and devised means to get from her her money, clothes, jewels, and all, down to her chemise, and then sent her away in that condition, as shall be afterwards ... The Lady Who Lost Her Hair
By Monseigneur. _Of a noble lord who was in love with a damsel who cared for another great lord, but tried to keep it secret; and of the agreement made between the two lovers concerning her, as you shall hereafter hear._ A noble knight who li... The Lawyer And The Bolting-mill
By Monseigneur Le Duc. _Of a President of Parliament, who fell in love with his chamber-maid, and would have forced her whilst she was sifting flour, but by fair speaking she dissuaded him, and made him shake the sieve whilst she went unto her mi...